My Body is a Cage
by Hysterical Mirth
Summary: You never think stories will happen to you. Not fantastical ones you read about in books or experience in games. But you always wonder and sigh wistfully, "What would it be like if I could?" That is, until you start living it. And you realize that toilets are not portable and tissue isn't available either. Self-Insert, M!Warden/Zevran


My Body is a Cage

Warnings:

Slash, cursing, violence, and sexual scenes in later chapters

Pairings:

M!Warden Mahariel/Zevran Arainai

A/N:

I haven't written in a while and I've been wanting to do a self-insertion story forever and I figured what better fandom than Dragon Age? I'm going to remove my other stories soon because I'm never going to update them and I'm unsatisfied with my writing in them.

I would also like to note that this is not a mary-sue self-insert. I'm highly aware of who I am, which is a lazy-ass college student with no prior knowledge of fighting arts or what have you.

Along the lines of being a lazy-ass and a college student, this story will not have any definite update times. All I can do is try my best to not get bored with the story and hopefully update it at least once every two weeks.

That said, thank you for reading this far (if you did) and I'll get on with the story.

oooooooooo

There was fire everywhere. It wasn't hot, but it burned and my skin screamed. The flames spewed and roared, but my legs wouldn't work. All I saw were the licking orange tongues. The urge to flail, to move away from the burning, surged through me, but I was stiff. My body didn't feel heavy, but pinned, crushed. As I dragged at the floor with my hands the silhouette of a man entered my blurry vision.

I gasped, trying to move my head and say something, anything, to announce my presence. My throat was too dry, all I managed with a wheeze of air, which made no noise. It didn't matter, the man seemed to know I was there. I saw no visible features, just a shadow in the shape of a face as I was picked up like a rag doll. My head lolled over his back, my limbs uselessly swinging from the momentum of his movements.

A distant roar, like a snarling animal, caught the man's attention. I was quickly shifted, thrown over a hard shoulder. Metal hitting metal rang in my ears. The fires surrounding us, blocking my vision, began to die and my consciousness faded with it.

oooooooooo

I knew I was still alive when I first realized I was dreaming. I had never had fever dreams before, but these couldn't be anything but. An old woman worked her hands over the air above my body and they glowed.

Her brows were furrowed and she muttered strange things. She wore clothes I had never seen before and a young girl by her side was copying her movements, wearing similar garments.

I groaned, too tired to bat them away, and fell asleep.

Demons visited me, crooning and seductive. I was too scared, too confused, to understand what they offered, so I ran.

I ran all over the landscape, not knowing where I was running to. Laughter always followed me, along with the cloying voices asking where I went.

I wanted to scream at them, but I was too short of breath to answer. In my dreams I was never tired, so I never stopped and the dream didn't seem to stop either. Between the demons I often saw the old woman, sometimes with the young girl and sometimes with a cup, pouring its contents into my mouth.

My throat was too lax to choke on it and I was too out-of-it to catch the taste of the liquid.

When I truly woke there was no one around me. My eyes felt fuzzy and my sight was glazed. I blinked several times until the glaze was cleared and I could see properly.

Though my body was heavy and slow, my mind was racing. Where the fuck was I? I couldn't even remember what I had been doing before the flames and the man. He saved me? What did he save me from?

The material drooping over me looked like I tent, I had been camping a few times enough to know what the inside of a tent looked like. But the tarp beneath me felt leathery and so did the material being held up by... By sticks? Well, they had to be sturdier than sticks, but they were wooden.

My whole body trembled, my arms weak and uncooperative as I tried to sit up. All my energy felt drained, as if I was in the middle of a sickness. I felt heated and the air was chilly, but good on my skin.

As I tried to stand I realized I wasn't wearing my shirt and jeans that I last thought I had worn. Instead I wore this thin shift, like a dress. I hated dresses. Whatever, I wasn't in the position to be complaining. I had to figure out where the fuck I was first.

Shi-! I stumbled, letting out a high pitched shriek as I almost meet the ground with my face. I caught myself on the little table nearby, but my knees were definitely throbbing from smacking the ground in place of my nose.

I cursed under my breath about all my luck and tried to pull myself up again. I was slowly getting a little strength back. What little strength that was didn't help when the flap opened.

It hadn't been a fast swoop or anything, but I was not prepared to see another person yet and I screeched, falling back on my ass with my heart trying to leap out of my throat.

The old woman, the one I vaguely remembered tending to me with glowing hands, smiled crookedly, like she was chuckling inside. "I didn't realize I was so frightening," She murmured, stepping further into the tent.

She let the flap drop and shifted towards me, holding out her hand. I took it readily, but my hold was flimsy compared to hers. It was mostly her work that had me back on my feet, my legs wobbling like I was some newborn fawn.

"You are doing much better, to be walking after two days of illness." She told me, tucking my arm in hers as she lead me outside.

"What was I sick with? Who are you?" I asked, my voice like cotton. I swallowed thickly, a little embarrassed.

Then trees. Trees, everywhere. I gaped, looking at them idiotically as if I had never seen a tree in my life. They were huge monsters of trees, ones I had only ever seen in pictures. "Where am I?" I squeaked. There was no way this was home.

"I am Keeper Marethari, you are in the Brecilian Forest, and you have the taint." Marethari answered gently while I was busy gawking.

"Taint, what taint?" Taint didn't sound good. I stopped my staring and gave the old woman my full attention.

"The darkspawn taint. A Grey Warden found you in the ruins two of my hunters had discovered. He should return shortly, he has gone back to destroy the cause of the taint."

That didn't sound any-... What? My mind was blanked for a second as I registered "darkspawn." I rewound my memories and stopped at "Keeper Marethari" and "Grey Warden."

The fuck. What. The. Fuck.

No. Nononono, that's not- No.

Haha, funny, really funny, fuuuuuuuuu- No.

This isn't... It is.

I stared, my eyes big as plates as I looked at the people around me. They were all somber and pointy eared. I tried really hard not to stare anymore, looking at the trees again. Trees were neutral.

"Wh-When is the Grey Warden getting back?" I asked, carefully trying to avoid saying his name. I knew all their names. How could I not, I was only in Dragon fucking Age, Ferelden. How did I even get here? This was the worst time to ever come to Dragon Age!

That's always how it freaking happened, in every damn- Ugh, fuck this.

I must have been making weird faces, Marethari was doing the raised brow thing. She helped me to a little bench and I sat down, taking deep breaths. Calm, calm...

"He should get back later today. Can you eat?" She asked, pulling a cloak over my trembling shoulders. I clutched it, tugging it tightly around me. Was I going into shock? I had better not be, I already had the fucking taint. Somewhere in my head I was laughing at how bad my damned luck was.

"I don't think so." I answered. I sounded pathetic. What was I, an adult or a lost child? I felt like a lost child right now.

The elf woman tsked. "You need your strength. I will get some soup." She said, bustling off. She was just trying to keep busy, I knew what she was doing. They had just lost Tamlen, they all knew it, even if they were holding a little hope for Mahariel's return.

Who was going to be taken from them too. I wonder why I wasn't getting more rude or angry stares, being human. They were probably too distracted. Everyone was packing something, getting ready to move. Who wanted to be near a coming Blight or human villagers getting ready to go after them?

I sighed and rubbed my head, trying to make sense of this all. How did I get here anyway? I couldn't be dreaming, everything was so real, but why could I not recall anything past the flames? And what the hell were the flames from? I knew I had been surrounded by them, but, looking over my hands, I wasn't burned or scarred.

Magic flames? Damn it, magic was real here too. And I had the taint. If Duncan thinks I'm capable, I was either going to choke on the ritual blood stuff and die, or I was going to become a Grey Warden. I don't know how to fight! Which was worse? Any way I chose was going to lead to certain death and not even Mahariel's life was assured in the end.

If his, or her, life was uncertain, then how could mine assured? What if my presence was detrimental, it couldn't possibly be helpful. All I knew was lore and anything about the possible future couldn't be counted as reliable anymore.

Shit-fuck all over the place, what was I going to do?


End file.
